


Orion in the Night

by Neffectual



Series: 104 Reasons to Stay Alive [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, not even sorry, orisor inspired, reflections
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-09
Updated: 2014-07-09
Packaged: 2018-02-08 04:28:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1926636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neffectual/pseuds/Neffectual
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi reflects on how he's changed in his relationship with Erwin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Orion in the Night

**Author's Note:**

> Written to Anaïs Mitchell's 'Orion' from the album 'Hymns For The Exiled'. Title from the same.

When he joined – when he was recruited – he had been all piss and vinegar, so certain, so cocksure, and he likes to think that hasn’t changed much. Levi likes to kid himself that the years haven’t mellowed him at all, that he’s never stopped being a cynical little shit, age slowly changing a face which could only be described as delicate. He knows the truth, however, knows that he used to step over bodies in his childhood which would make him stop and hitch his breath now. He knows how weak he would have thought himself as a kid, knows how much he would have hated the man he has become, the man he is always becoming. He thinks, now, that the change is as good as a rest. And he hasn’t rested for years.

 

There is something a little wicked in having what he wants, taking what he needs when he can, he thinks at night, when he’s taking the slow steps towards the Commander’s quarters, keeping an ear out for anyone else out this late, and opens the door, no need to knock. The dance is new; more affection, less aggression, but they both know the steps, old as time, each movement languorous and deliberate. Beyond this room, the sky may be dark, the stars may be out, but for now, there is nothing else.

 

Before, it was desperate; Levi ached for it, for every bruise, every bite mark, the chafe of ropes to his wrists and ankles, the burn and ache of rushed preparation. He would glory in it; revel in the pain, believing it made him stronger. He knew nothing of love, nothing of the way a body could be worshipped and cared for; only pain and hunger and mouthing desperate kisses at a collarbone he could barely reach to touch when standing. In the early hours of the morning he would fold clothing back over the marks and bruises, pressing creases into sharp relief against the sly way his eyes slid half shut at remembered movement. He would spend the day ignoring Erwin, arching a sarcastic eyebrow, and pressing two fingers to the bruise at the hollow of his throat, hidden by the cravat.

 

Now, it is different. He feels almost young again as he steps into Erwin’s quarters and sees the older man still at his desk, broad shoulders and golden hair lit by candlelight, and it never fails to make something primal stir in his gut, something which whispers ‘mine’ and will not be silenced. He doesn’t kid himself that the blond hasn’t noticed him, just that he’s been filed as unimportant, so he doesn’t expect any surprise as he hooks his chin over a strong shoulder and peers at the paperwork.

“This could all wait.” Levi says, a wry smile twitching at the corners of his mouth, “Did you want to be alone tonight?”

Erwin turns with devastating speed and has him crowded against the wall before Levi has so much as time to draw breath, and he fights the instinct to put an elbow in his lover’s gut and a knee to his groin. He is caged; a few years ago this would have been enough for him to walk out, but now....

 

“Don’t you dare.” Erwin says, lightly, belying their position, and his face is in sharp relief with candlelight, half in shadow, half lit brightly, and Levi shivers at the contrast, “You’ve been watching me all day.”

Levi does smile at that, a tiny curl of slim lips as he looks up through his eyelashes, watching Erwin bite his lip. Oh, yes, a few years ago he would have run, but now there’s strength in the vulnerability, in being small, willowy, fragile, and having enough power in one look to send a man like the Commander to his knees night after night. He rises on tiptoe to steal a kiss and lets strong arms wrap around him to take his weight. He feels protected, precious, something to be kept safe in these moments, with Erwin tall and strong before him. And this man wants me, he thinks, eyes fluttering closed, despite everything, because of everything, this man wants me.

 

Erwin, it seems, is tired of waiting and turns, lifting Levi from the floor. He tuts, but it’s all in play, because he loves this, being lifted like he weighs nothing, like all his muscle is nothing more than paper to the play of Erwin’s back muscles under his shirt. He places Levi on the bed and moves to grasp the candle from the desk, but Levi shakes his head.

“We have enough light.” He whispers, finding himself suddenly hoarse, and knowing he means it. Erwin is enough light for the world, in times like this. It’s in everything that follows: constellations of kisses crowding his skin, large hands which dwarf his hipbones, strong arms which hold him steady as he rocks his hips, head thrown back and every thrust a gasp as he struggles to draw breath. It’s in the way he can collapse onto a broad chest, after, and feel that hand, which a minute ago had drawn him to completion, warm and gentle against his lower back, making small, soothing circles as they both catch their breath.

 

Maybe a year ago he would have moved, pulled away with a noise of disgust, dressed with his back to Erwin, never letting his guard down. But not now, not ever again, not when he can stay here and measure the span of his hand against Erwin’s pectoral muscle, not when the kisses are soft and full of promises for next time, not when he can hear the nothings his lover whispers to him, the nothings which will always mean something in the dark of the night, but which now carry over to the morning, when Erwin strokes his hair as the sunlight streams in. It isn’t perfection; how can it be when humanity is under threat, when the rations are low, when all the new recruits are fucking idiots with no self control? But for these small moments, before the world intrudes, when Levi can push the hair out of Erwin’s face and kiss him before they both have to face the day, it’s as close to perfection as Levi’s ever been.


End file.
